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Things That Pertain to Brainiac 5


By Cosmic Boy


01. Brainy does not have any body ports, or a hidden computer in him. So stop bringing your thumb-drives to him and expect a monitor and drive to pop out.

02. He does not secretly covet porn. He read the Kama Sutra as a child. I think he’s had his fill—and he told me so.

03. His memory is outstanding. So if you think you can get away with something after a long time, be warned. He’s plotting your humiliating end throughout.

04. Just because he wears a flight-ring does not mean you can drop him from the sky or push him off buildings. Not EVEN if he is being extra snarky.

05. Brainy does not appreciate it when you tell little kids that he’s Dr. Frankenstein. He is Coluan, he has a twelfth-level intellect, and he certainly is not going to be screaming “It’s alive!” anytime soon.

06. No one is allowed to sneak up on him unless they want to be on the receiving end of any weapon he carries with him for self defense.

07. No one but Nura, Lyle, and Salu, is allowed to sneak up on him.

08. His force-shield hurts, so when he tells you to leave him alone, I’d recommend leaving him alone.

09. Apparently, #8 does not apply to Lyle, Nura, and Salu

10. Brainy is not a sex-toy. So stop groping him, Nura, and I don’t care if you think he enjoys it.

11. That means you have to stop groping him beneath the table during the long meetings with the United Planets. The President didn’t appreciate you two interrupting the review on the stock market.

12. No one but Nura is allowed to attempt to grope Brainy. There Nura, I put it down on paper, happy now?

13. He doesn’t fight fire with fire. He fights fire with doomsday weaponry that makes you exclaim expletives as you run for your sprocking life.

Threeboot only - 14. He is not homosexual, bisexual, is not romantically interested in Lyle, nor is he having a love triangle with Nura and Lyle. And how the SPROCK did anyone come up with the idea that we were secretly lovers?!

15. No one is allowed to give him a backrub or shoulder massage unless they want to be forced to watch Lyle’s recorded copy of THE COLUAN PHYSIOLOGY.

16. I had to watch said THE COLUAN PHYSIOLOGY. I think I’m scarred for life.


- sent by SaintAsh
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17. Brainiac 5 knows how to be pleasant, and only is so when he wants something..like why he's nice to Nura...cause she gives him something...yes i'm putting that down don't look that surprised

18. Brainiac 5 has issues with both the blender and the toaster.. Star Boy asked once why that is, and Brainy told him, when asked, Star Boy he said we don't want to know and I believe him

19. The only person who as ever gotten an apology from him was Salu. Don't know what he did, but the words 'I was wrong' were uttered.

20. Brainy is the Legions biggest gossip, this has to do with him having unlimited control on all cameras.

21. He then goes about planting seeds of trouble...when he gets bored
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22. It is not amusing to wave the holo of Brainy's great-grandfather shirtless in his face.

23. The same goes for waving the holo of his great-grandmother around. Really, isn't everyone scarred enough from when we thought she was someone else?

24. No one is allowed to steal holos of the Dox family from Brainy, no matter how attractive you think they are.

25. I don't care if you think he needs to "loosin' up". No one is allowed to put anything in Brainy's food or drinks unless they want to be scarred for life by whatever the chemicals cause him to do.


- sent by JudeDeluca
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26. Brainiac 5 is not a robot. He never has and never will be. So Lyle, stop trying to plug the toaster oven into his forehead to make waffles.

27. Just because Brainiac 5 has a pet monkey called Koko, that does not make him "cute". Nixon had a dog called Checkers, did that make HIM cute?

28. Brainiac 5 is very fickle when it comes to choosing his girlfriend. So, to Supergirl, Andromeda, Shrinking Violet, and Dream Girl, the best course of action would be to wrestle one another in a giant vat of mud, until only one is left standing. Oh, and just ignore the cameras.
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- sent by Touch-of-Grey37
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29. Brainiac 5 does not hate Bart Allen. He just wants to lock him in a room somewhere, eat the key, and forget he exists. But he doesn't hate him.

30. ...he doesn't love him, either, so quit trying to get them in a shower together, Jenni.
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31. Laurel and Lyle are no longer allowed to ask Brainiac 5 who he's chosen, because you two cross the line from "asking him" to "dragging-him-out-of-the-lab-by-his-heels-kicking-and-screaming".

32. Brainiac 5 does not appreciate people telling him to "shake what his great-grandma gave him". He has notified me that if people continue to do so, he will "shake what his great-grandfather gave him and position a blaster at you".


- sent by EarthPrincessEva
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33. Brainiac 5 is a Cyborg, half bionic coluan andriod and one half human. This doesnot mean he can be reprogrammed to be your personal hot little Fan-service slave boy. So DON'T TRY IT.
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- sent by MothGirl13
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34. Legion try-outs are for the chance at becoming a fellow Legionnaire; not a chance for you to stalk Brainy (we now keep in the lab during the membership trials).
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